Dear my two best friends and my loyal blog readers,
Today i'm going to tell you the truth. I've considered many things before coming to today, and yet i still keep my heart bold an strong that i have to put an end to this. I have a very good friend. He's a very very good friend. When I met him, i didnt even realize that our skins are different, our race is different, our faith is different. It never come to my mind at all because we are too comfortable, too transparent with each other. Not sure when did all this start, feels like we already know each other in and out long time ago. In fact, we are both scared. Not wanting to go overboard, but both still need each other a lot and we want more. Maybe it's me who turns out to be too brave enough and both of us went overboard about everything. We shared abou too many things, we had too many similarity. He treats me too good. He's my happy pills, he's my sad pills. My mood always goes upside down. He always make me feel worried sick. I care too much about him. I fall in love with him and it's hard to admit it. Days by days, it become very painful to me. I cant move foward, i cant step back. I am stuck. I met him everyday. We spend almost 8 hours or more everyday talking to each other. I always try to refrain myself from doing it, but in the end, I cant. He's always on my mind, in my sleep, in my prayers. I just cant get rid of him. He's everywhere.


Because we are too transparent, we fight a lot. Yes, we are both scared of us. I know that he only take me as his very close friend, not more than that. I become numb. Not to know how am I supposed to react on everything. If i do this, it feels wrong. If i do that, it feels wrong too. I think too much right? But i definitely know that i need to refrain myself from him. To think of it, both of us unwilling to let go of each, both of us need it other,
I need him, he needs me, i cant survive without him, and he cant to. He helps me a lot and i am very thankful to have him as a friend. I made my decision today that i need to learn my boundaries. He said he cant do it without me. I also cant do it without him. How am i supposed to stop when i met him everyday? I am stuck here. Then he said, if I needed to then he's not going to stop me. Yes, my heart already broken long time ago when i fall for him. But i need to move on. From here now it will be a very painful journey. I used to have him, now i have to let him go. My two best friends, you are too far from me. I dunno to whom i should turn to now. I have nobody. You both are busy with our own lives, i am here all alone. I dunno how to do this all alone. I only have Him. I have been crying for the past 3 hours. I cant sleep. Help me!